So...last night I ran into a fella that I had "relations with" back in the day and as we were making small talk he asks, "So, you married?" I was thrown for a loop. I don't get asked this a lot and definitely not the 2nd or 3rd question of a convo. A wave
of: OhmygodnoI'mnotbutIshouldbemarriednoonehasaskedmewhydidyouaskmethisamIabigloser? came over me. I simply answered, "No. Are you married?" and he answered, "No. I thought I heard you were."
Why does this affect me so much? I honestly haven't stopped thinking about this all day. And it honestly makes me feel bad about myself. Now here's the thing: I don't care about marriage. I really don't. It's not the marriage thing. It's the not having anyone to share my life. But he doesn't know this. And he was asking just to make conversation but for some reason I thought I was being judged. I'm so hard on myself. I don't know why this is. I need to give myself a break.
On another note: a friend told me that a woman we were sitting with said I was attractive. Nice of her, of course but how come the dudes don't say this?????
I know. I'm just being a moron. I am Dori and I am a moron.
Date me!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Oh, Dori. Where to even begin?
ReplyDeleteI know this feeling all too well. I am the last single person in the family. Nevermind everything else I accomplished in my life, it makes me feel like a failure. Recently I was looking back on all the men I've dated and realized I can only look back on one truly fondly. Maybe that's because we were 22 at the time. ;) But it feels like I've really f-ed up.
On the other hand, a friend of mine is getting married to a man who has never worked a day in his life, and honestly I know there is no way in hell I could ever do that. So, she's getting married and I'm not and so what?
One of my friends once told me that while the percentage of people we know who are married may be high, the # that are happy may not match up. Always, always I would rather be happy. And most of my dearest friends are single as well. I don't think less of them...why would I think anyone thinks less of me? (but I do, I admit it, stupid societal expectations)
Last of all, last weekend I was at a bar waiting for a "friend" (ahem) and started talking to a cool woman at the bar. When my friend showed up, she carried on about how lucky he was because I was "so lovely." So, yeah. Why is it always the women saying these things? (and of course instead of agreeing HE just hoped she would kiss me--ugh)
Anyway. We really should get drinks sometime.
*hug*
First of all: Thanks for always making me feel that I'm not alone. It's more than a "misery loves company" thing but rather the empathy. You're aces!
ReplyDeleteOK....I don't feel like a F-ed up and I hope you don't (or won't after reading this) either. We made choices in our lives (or had some made for us) and are awesome people because of those choices. It's definitely a societal thing. I absolutely know that there are married couples who are not happy. Again....it's not the marriage thing for me....it's that I want (crave?) a relationship. I want to be in love and feel the love reciprocated. This is something I haven't felt in a long time. I guess when I'm in a relationship I'm much more confident about ME, which is kind of baloney because here I am not in a relationship and am probably in the best shape of my life (still have a long way to go but I'm getting there) and should feel good about what I've accomplished instead of worrying about how I'm perceived to others. Baloney, I say.
Oh....and the fact that you had a "friend" with you. Love that. We absolutely do need to get drinks! For sure! Maybe then we can tell each other how pretty we think the other one is. :-)
She didn't just say you were attractive, she said you were "so so pretty."
ReplyDeleteJust sayin'
And you are.
Hixx out.
You're such a sweet pal, Hixxy. xo
ReplyDelete